My Future Ahead (Too Early to Think About It, But I Do Think About It)

Ahh. . . Start of classes. Geez, I've had a busy vacation. Work, work and work. Well, I gotta earn. I get no allowance during vacation days.

Anyways, I've found direction. Im gonna study hard. I am responsible for my future. This sem might be easier than last sem. Maybe. Maybe it's because of that english paper that's why I had low grades. Luckily, everything turned out to be fine. Although we are on the brink of poverty, I was still able to enroll myself. And I have a PE now and an ROTC. And good thing I was able to enroll english 102. Thanks be to God. It's time to do good and be good.

I think I've found him. My future. We're universes apart, my world different from his world. And he's seven years older than me. But I dont know. There's this spark, not just a spark, something bigger than that. I want him in my future, only him. I've never felt this feeling in a guy before. All I've had were flings, relationships for the sake of having one, love because I felt like I needed it, not like I wanted it. But with him, the case is different. I dont know if I actually love him. Love is such a strong and destructive word. Im not head over heels or crazy about him. But whenever I think of him, all I could think of is our future together. Kinda psycho right? I know. Anyone'd think of this like that. I mean, I barely know him. As in.

Maybe, like what one of my blockmates said, it's all about security. Or maybe it's more than that. I'd like to find out. All we've had are periods of eye contacts. He cant approach me in a way anyone else could do. There's a barrier between us. I'm just a girl working there where our roads intersect. And that world where I work's got a lot of rules. His eyes, how I'd die to find out what they mean when they look at me. Who knows someday the gods would hear me and save me from this agony? I cant even look at another guy! Like my heart has just stopped beating! Is my search over? Is he the one? How could I find out? Heaven help. It's all the help I could have.

How I wish I could stop the habit. Look at me, Im sick. Again. My lungs are next to bleeding. And I dont get anything from it. (Honestly, not true. They serve as my 'escape route'.) But really, I dont get anything from it except lung disease. I know almost half of my family knows about it. Im gonna stop it. Sooner or later. Concerned people are getting concered. And I myself, am very concerned.

What else? Im on a new goal. Probably to make myself not so pissed off with my life. I'd keep it a secret first. It's gonna be big and Im gonna need lots of determination, and appeal, for this. Haha! I think that's all.

Oh and in the future, Im thinking. I want to serve the people. Not actually public service or politics. But through writing. I wanna be the journalist who would write for the benefit of all and who would write the truth and nothing but the truth. Too idealistic. But it's what I really want. It pinches my heart everytime I see people on the sidewalks, with grease on their bodies, palm up, begging for money. It hurts me whenever I see out of school children trying to find ways to have at least a meal a day, most of the time not for them, but for parents who are too lazy to help them. It pains me whenever I see workers who sweat their ass off to get a salary that couldnt even afford them everyday life. I just want to shout, hello? Where are those people whose job is to help them? I cant. At this moment I cant. At least its a relief to know that there is a near revolution under process. Finally, things might be rewritten. The opposition is winning. We might see some change. I do hope those bastards who are keeping our people from prospering meet their match. And when I graduate, Im here to help. Im not after the fame and stuff. Poosh, what would I get from that? There are people who actually need support. I cant think of myself only because I believe we are born not only to save ourselves but help save other people too. God, I cant believe Im writing this stuff. But you know what? When I was a bit younger, I actually wanted to be a missionary. And my mom thought I was crazy.

Til next time. I dont know what else to write.

0 comments // Post a Comment

hi! first i'd like to introduce myself. i'm pam. i grew up with a pen name of trix jones but now i'm thinking of using my real name. why not right? it's a nice name.

i love music. i love arts. i'm a Christian. my whole life i've been directed to the arts, well not that i'm much of an artist. i just find happiness in beauty and aesthetic things.

My Future Ahead (Too Early to Think About It, But I Do Think About It)

Ahh. . . Start of classes. Geez, I've had a busy vacation. Work, work and work. Well, I gotta earn. I get no allowance during vacation days.

Anyways, I've found direction. Im gonna study hard. I am responsible for my future. This sem might be easier than last sem. Maybe. Maybe it's because of that english paper that's why I had low grades. Luckily, everything turned out to be fine. Although we are on the brink of poverty, I was still able to enroll myself. And I have a PE now and an ROTC. And good thing I was able to enroll english 102. Thanks be to God. It's time to do good and be good.

I think I've found him. My future. We're universes apart, my world different from his world. And he's seven years older than me. But I dont know. There's this spark, not just a spark, something bigger than that. I want him in my future, only him. I've never felt this feeling in a guy before. All I've had were flings, relationships for the sake of having one, love because I felt like I needed it, not like I wanted it. But with him, the case is different. I dont know if I actually love him. Love is such a strong and destructive word. Im not head over heels or crazy about him. But whenever I think of him, all I could think of is our future together. Kinda psycho right? I know. Anyone'd think of this like that. I mean, I barely know him. As in.

Maybe, like what one of my blockmates said, it's all about security. Or maybe it's more than that. I'd like to find out. All we've had are periods of eye contacts. He cant approach me in a way anyone else could do. There's a barrier between us. I'm just a girl working there where our roads intersect. And that world where I work's got a lot of rules. His eyes, how I'd die to find out what they mean when they look at me. Who knows someday the gods would hear me and save me from this agony? I cant even look at another guy! Like my heart has just stopped beating! Is my search over? Is he the one? How could I find out? Heaven help. It's all the help I could have.

How I wish I could stop the habit. Look at me, Im sick. Again. My lungs are next to bleeding. And I dont get anything from it. (Honestly, not true. They serve as my 'escape route'.) But really, I dont get anything from it except lung disease. I know almost half of my family knows about it. Im gonna stop it. Sooner or later. Concerned people are getting concered. And I myself, am very concerned.

What else? Im on a new goal. Probably to make myself not so pissed off with my life. I'd keep it a secret first. It's gonna be big and Im gonna need lots of determination, and appeal, for this. Haha! I think that's all.

Oh and in the future, Im thinking. I want to serve the people. Not actually public service or politics. But through writing. I wanna be the journalist who would write for the benefit of all and who would write the truth and nothing but the truth. Too idealistic. But it's what I really want. It pinches my heart everytime I see people on the sidewalks, with grease on their bodies, palm up, begging for money. It hurts me whenever I see out of school children trying to find ways to have at least a meal a day, most of the time not for them, but for parents who are too lazy to help them. It pains me whenever I see workers who sweat their ass off to get a salary that couldnt even afford them everyday life. I just want to shout, hello? Where are those people whose job is to help them? I cant. At this moment I cant. At least its a relief to know that there is a near revolution under process. Finally, things might be rewritten. The opposition is winning. We might see some change. I do hope those bastards who are keeping our people from prospering meet their match. And when I graduate, Im here to help. Im not after the fame and stuff. Poosh, what would I get from that? There are people who actually need support. I cant think of myself only because I believe we are born not only to save ourselves but help save other people too. God, I cant believe Im writing this stuff. But you know what? When I was a bit younger, I actually wanted to be a missionary. And my mom thought I was crazy.

Til next time. I dont know what else to write.

0 comments // Post a Comment