TEARS IN HEAVEN

i dont know what i'm doing here. i dont know where i should go or what i should do. lately, my moodswings are lethal, just like the turns of fate in every event of my everyday life. subconsciously, i do things i half-heartedly do, and everything is falling out of place. it sucks to think i have become like this, the very person i have sworned to never become. those girls you'll scorn after hearing they're their social life, even those important like studies, for the so-called love bug. is it love? is it pride? is it what i inherited from watching all those movies, reading all those books and hearing all those songs? misery.

i shouldnt be here. i should be where everyone else is, i should be doing what everyone else is doing. and yet, i dont. because i am going to follow the will of my heart, the dictates of my inner impulse to go there, in his place, and see his face, and kiss his lips. shit fuck, it doesnt sound good. i'm not that type. and yet my hormones are raging, and theyre pulling my feet. is it because of the past i cant let go? a past that'll remain a past. a memory that resides in a slowly fading part of my mind, to be rekindled a night ago, by his call abrupting my conversation with my pathetic 'other', a guy i thought could seam the hole. and now, i've been crying incessantly during my bouts of loneliness. and instead of following a stupid plan i created for revenge, i am now against myself, an enemy. his very words, I STILL LOVE YOU, useless words which i used to laugh at before, now drives me, ironically, in muffled tears that i keep to myself.

and yet, i know he's not who he used to be. and i know for sure that i'm after another heartbreak, and a long series of sleepless nights listening to songs like 'tears in heaven.' even my friends tell me how he's change, and how he's not worth it. and yet i'll go. and in the world perhaps the only person who can stop me is either me, or the one above us all.

he's waiting. and i'm in it for his surprise. maybe after making out, we'd have a talk. then, who knows what the next thing might be?

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hi! first i'd like to introduce myself. i'm pam. i grew up with a pen name of trix jones but now i'm thinking of using my real name. why not right? it's a nice name.

i love music. i love arts. i'm a Christian. my whole life i've been directed to the arts, well not that i'm much of an artist. i just find happiness in beauty and aesthetic things.

TEARS IN HEAVEN

i dont know what i'm doing here. i dont know where i should go or what i should do. lately, my moodswings are lethal, just like the turns of fate in every event of my everyday life. subconsciously, i do things i half-heartedly do, and everything is falling out of place. it sucks to think i have become like this, the very person i have sworned to never become. those girls you'll scorn after hearing they're their social life, even those important like studies, for the so-called love bug. is it love? is it pride? is it what i inherited from watching all those movies, reading all those books and hearing all those songs? misery.

i shouldnt be here. i should be where everyone else is, i should be doing what everyone else is doing. and yet, i dont. because i am going to follow the will of my heart, the dictates of my inner impulse to go there, in his place, and see his face, and kiss his lips. shit fuck, it doesnt sound good. i'm not that type. and yet my hormones are raging, and theyre pulling my feet. is it because of the past i cant let go? a past that'll remain a past. a memory that resides in a slowly fading part of my mind, to be rekindled a night ago, by his call abrupting my conversation with my pathetic 'other', a guy i thought could seam the hole. and now, i've been crying incessantly during my bouts of loneliness. and instead of following a stupid plan i created for revenge, i am now against myself, an enemy. his very words, I STILL LOVE YOU, useless words which i used to laugh at before, now drives me, ironically, in muffled tears that i keep to myself.

and yet, i know he's not who he used to be. and i know for sure that i'm after another heartbreak, and a long series of sleepless nights listening to songs like 'tears in heaven.' even my friends tell me how he's change, and how he's not worth it. and yet i'll go. and in the world perhaps the only person who can stop me is either me, or the one above us all.

he's waiting. and i'm in it for his surprise. maybe after making out, we'd have a talk. then, who knows what the next thing might be?

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