(the write ups of destiny)
(inspirations)
(let's talk)
you're here! welcome ¡ola! aloha.
. .the rebel. .
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my God, my previous posts were so beautiful. I dont think its appropriate to say the next lines, but these are what i really felt.
bakit ganon? i hate my family. i hate every damn one of them. i dont even want to go home anymore. shit, parang everything sucks at home. the very minute i get home, kahit pauwi pa lang, this hate builds up inside of me, this loathing. nakakairita. injustice is the only thing prevailing at home. walang fairness, walang pagkakapantay-pantay. sabihin na nilang makitid ang utak ko, f-ck shit sige na, ano ba sila? did they even try to understand me, or ask whats going on? ano ba ko sa bahay? sasabihin nilang 'youre just a boarder' pero i do it kasi yun din ang trato nila sakin. its so unfair!
and lalo na yung mga kapatid ko! an ingrato, a nerdy know-it-all, a negra who feels like she can boss us all. so what kung popular (or feeling popular) siya sa school? i dont f-cking care kung ano siya sa labas. when she's at home, she should be my weeny little sister.
and of course the source of all evil in the world, the devil! would you believe it ladies and gentlemen, the devil, SATAN, lives at our home, and is under our roof. how dare he pretend! why is he even f-cking existing! my life would be uber-okay if he's not in the picture.
see that? i get home to what? this? everything is unfair! my younger sisters can flirt with whoever boys they like, f-cking whores, but i dont even have the right to talk to any guy on the phone? tignan niyo, ive met him. i think i do. i have been waiting for several darn months for him. tall, rich, educated. he's everything! but they'll just ruin it! as if we'll f-ck each other. im so not that! so yeah, i smoke, i drink. but i can regulate myself. i was offered drugs, but i didnt do it. crap, okay i'll continue this shit later. late for class. again.
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so this is later. ayun nga. i hated it. its hard to keep a smiling face. what rights do i have? what can i do? i know myself. i have dreams, i have ambitions. i wont ruin myself for nothing. once in a while i would want to have freedom. i would want a life like everyone else is leading. is it fair? to ground me? at home, no cellphone, no internet, not even a tv or a radio. and heck, even telephones are restricted for 'girls' and important calls. they keep on accusing me of stuff. i have broken their trust, yeah what. would i break their trust if they were not strangling me? what is much better, trust between parents and children, or the child to forever hide from his/her parents? see, hindi nga ako makapag-bonding sa kanila eh. i cant tell them stuff like what 'really' happened in school, or who my new crush was, or why me and my boyfriend broke up, or how i was tempted to engage in sex, but prevented it? tignan mo, if only i havent promises to keep to God, siguro i couldve succumbed. siguro i couldve done it, sex, and malay mo, may magbunga. see? would they like that? its the more they tighten their hold, the more i would want to break free.now how about that?
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